Wedding Expos

I know I haven’t written a blog in awhile.  Life has just been plugging along and I feel as though I have nothing of any value to say and then God nudges me…..What about that?  Oh, yes I guess I could share that….  I know I have said it before and I’ll say it again,  It’s not always easy to be vulnerable and let people see the “real you” inside and out.  But I also know God is calling me to be authentic and share my story with others.  So here I am! 

I believe the last time I wrote I was talking about my 6 month dating vow that has long come and gone.  (For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about please go back and read my last blog before this one.)  So….has my knight in shining armor shown up since then?  I have to say, no he has not.  Did a really good counterfeit knight in shining armor show up during that time?  Why, yes he did.  And it was so tempting, and seemed so promising…..but God made it very clear to me…not the real deal.  You may ask… How did you know?  It was quite simple….I prayed a lot.  I asked God to guard my heart and reveal everything I should know…and guess what??  He did.  I’m not going to lie….I was a bit disappointed and kind of sad to have my hopes dashed….But boy oh boy, am I glad to get out, for the most part unscathed.  My hopes being dashed are a far cry from my heart being broken into smithereens, which is what has happened to me in the past.  And more than anything I am so thankful to be in obedience to God and know He has something better in store for me.  I truly do not want anything that is not of God and I have learned from my past experiences to wait upon the Lord. I don’t want to take anything into my own hands.  It’s SO not worth it. 

So as many of you know I am a preschool teacher.  I feel so blessed to be doing what I love.  It was my dream as long as I can remember to teach preschool (I love little ones!)  But for a side job I work at a party rental store on Saturdays and during the summer when preschool is not in session.  We work with a lot of brides and do many weddings all year round.  I am so thankful to have this second job, especially with so many people struggling to find work and make ends meet.  But then….2 to 3 times a year we do wedding expos.  A wedding expo is a wedding palooza!  Everything you could ever imagine you may need for a wedding is there.  There are rings, wedding dresses, florists, wedding cakes, wedding venues, honeymoon packages, limos, make-up artists, hair dressers, photographers, etc, etc, etc…..  And may I add….very eager and excited Brides.  You do a lot of talking and need to seem genuinely interested helping the Brides plan for their big day. 

Now think about the irony in this for me.  I am single and for many years I have struggled with not being married.  I have felt less than whole and was willing to marry someone I had NO business even being with just because I didn’t want to be alone.  I have battled my own insecurities about all of these things and in the past a wedding expo is the very last place in the world I would want to be.  It felt like a billboard flashing in my face….EVERYONE in the world is loveable and worthy of marriage but you are not! I would look at some of the brides at the expos…and think to myself…really???   Why you but not me?   So many times I felt like the world’s biggest loser.  It was so hard for me to be there and I am ashamed to say…. I had a horrible attitude about it all and the dialogue in my head was not pretty. 

But as you know in the past two Years (yes two years…I can’t believe it has been that long!)   I have dedicated my life to God.  I’m tired of doing things “My” way only to have it end in total disaster.  I am committed to the Lord and I pray daily for the Lord to change my heart.  And guess what?  He has.  The wedding expos in the past seemed like a form of torture and now I can truly say I look forward to them.  I am happy for the brides and enjoy helping them plan for their weddings.  There is no longer any malice in my heart being at a wedding expo.   I even had to do wedding expos this year on my B-day, New Years Eve, and New Years Day.  Not a problem!  What can I say…I’m not who I was!  J

 What I have learned is this…walking with the Lord is so freeing!  I am free to experience joy in all things.  I am free to love others, even when my life is less than perfect.  I am free to live and love my life just as it is.  What a gift!  If you have a broken heart or are struggling with life I hope you can go to God.  Start listening to Him.  Give it to him…over and over and over.  Get on your knees and say out loud how you are feeling and ask God to help you.  I promise he will.  He loves you so very much.  He is the binder of broken hearts…but binding a broken heart takes time.  Don’t grow weary.  Let the Lord work in your life. 

Psalm 147:3  He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 

I hope you can give your life and all that you are to him.  He will use you exactly where you are….and maybe even take you and use you at places you never even imagined he would.  Like a Wedding Expo…ha!  Or maybe something even grander than that.  J 

The Counterfeit…

So I took my son to college…and now I’m in the process of moving out of my apartment and figuring out life with him gone.  Some days are harder than others but I am doing ok.  I’m actually doing better than ok…I’m doing great.  It’s not that I don’t miss Chance I do…with all my heart, but I also feel so blessed.  My friends and family have been so good to me.  Like take for instance, I am moving this weekend.  I have been SO worried about how I was going to move my big stuff out of my apartment.  This is something my son and his friends have helped with in the past.  This morning I had to give it to God because it seemed to me as though no one was willing to help….then WHAM, all of a sudden I have 5 guys coming after church to help.  One of the guys I don’t even know!  How amazing is that.  Give your cares and worries to God, I promise He will see them through!  

So….this past July my Aunt gave me a book to read called Knight in Shining Armor by P.B. Wilson.  I started reading it on July 4^th.  It was a glorious day, the sun was out and I parked it on my back porch for most of the day.  Now you would think by the title it is all about finding that Prince…which it is…but even more than that is about how to be ready for your prince when he shows up.  There are so many things that stood out to me in this book.  One is she asks for you to take a six month vow not to date.  Take six months to work on yourself, grow closer to God, and let Him change you from the inside out.  I decided to do this.  I know I need to work on myself.  PB says…If you allow God, He will make the changes in you that will allow you to be attracted to the kind of person God
has in mind for you.  I don’t know about you but I have no desire to be attracted to the “Bad Boy” type or for guys maybe you are only attracted to certain looks….or you always want to rescue the damsel in distress.   That is probably not God’s best for you. 

In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says….Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.  He Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart. 

Friends….It’s time to break that cycle!  It’s time to start looking at the heart! 

In taking this 6 month vow I realized it would be from July 4^th to Jan. 4^th.  Jan. 4^th is a VERY significant day in my life.  It is a day I lost a dear friend to tragic circumstances.  It will be exactly one year to the day.  I KNOW that means something.  I don’t know what exactly, but I know I have given myself to God since that day and I can’t help but think God is telling me, He has heard my prayers.  (I don’t believe in coincidences anymore…only God-incidences.)

There is so many things I could share with you from this book(and I may in the future) but the thing that has captured my attention the most is when PB says…..Be careful, Satan will often send a counterfeit before the original arrives.  Hmmmm…a counterfeit.  Have you ever fallen for a counterfeit?  I know I have… I feel like a few have even come around recently, but I am standing firm waiting and working to be ready for when the real deal shows up.  Until then….I am loving my life.  I am serving God.  And I am confident God has me right where He wants me.  I hope you feel the same.  J  

How to take your son to college…

So it happened.  I took my son, Chance to WSU.  I have to say so far I’ve done pretty well. I’m not sure why…don’t know if it just hasn’t fully hit me yet.  I can’t say I’ve been very faithful about it lately or really trying to give it to God because I just haven’t really been able to pray.  I don’t know if that has ever happened to you.  Sometimes I am like a prayer warrior, praying all the time for anything and everyone that God puts in my mind.  And other times I can barely utter a sentence to God.  This is one of those times.  But I know I have lots of friends and family members praying for me and I have to believe their prayers are carrying me as I go through the motions, feeling kind of numb to it all.  So here are my thoughts of all that has transpired the last couple of days.  (The good and the bad…keeping it real here!)  J

1^st off I have to say taking your son to college seems utterly ridiculous.  It feels like you’re being punked.  I’m thinking to myself…. I’m really supposed to leave you here…just like that?  Like seriously?!?   If I can say anything to parents who are going to be in my shoes in the next couple of years….don’t coddle or do everything for your kids.  Start giving them some freedom with boundaries.  Send them away to camps.  Give them some sort of independence of you because once they go off to college, it’s pretty much over.  You drop them off outside of a wheat field and they are on their own. 

The 2^nd thing that I did not realize until we got to college was how cool my son is.  I mean he is REALLY cool.  I mean like totally, really, super cool.    And I am in fact the opposite of that.  I am so not cool.  Like totally, really, super un-cool. And just really embarrassing to be around.   I know this is all normal for them to portray (I’m so cool and chill and yeah my Mom is not) But it was a bit much to swallow at times.  And it wasn’t just my son…I
noticed it with just about all parents and their kids.  You’d make eye contact with a fellow parent and it was like…yep I’m walking 5 steps behind my kid because they don’t want anyone to know I’m with them.  And we’d just nod at each other.  I think this happens for 2 reasons.  1. They want their independence so bad and they think they are ready to take on the world and as a parent we represent the opposite to them.  And 2.  If Chance was super clingy or seemed sad at me leaving him it would have been 10X’s harder to say goodbye. God knows what we need to get it done, and believe it or not the least painful way was for him to be a little stinker.  It was so much easier for me to say goodbye this way. 

The 3^rd thing I noticed was the girls.  Lots and lots of really cute girls.  And I’m not sure cute really is the word I should use to portray these girls.  Even Chance couldn’t help himself.  He’d say to me (the super un-cool Mom) Wow…did you see that/those girls?   It’s hot in Eastern WA and so lots of girls in shorts and tank tops.  Hard to miss.  So of course I had to give my son the lecture….Chance don’t you dare go for a girl just on looks.  Make sure she has a good heart.  Make sure she loves God.  (I could give this lecture to a few men I know too!)  I’m sure you know how that went over, but a Mom’s gotta say what a Mom’s gotta say.  And I really didn’t mind being deemed un-cool for that one. 

So having said that all, I really am excited for Chance.  I know he is exactly where God wants him for now.  It is hard to let go.  But as I was driving home today 3 different times on the radio and on different stations I heard Matthew West’s song…More.  And I knew when I heard it….It was about Chance.  And as much as a Mother loves her one and only child (or any of her children)….God loves them more.  More than you can imagine….more than you can fathom.  And yes I did cry a bit on the way home, and even though I had no prayers in my head to pray, God knew my heart and He answered my un-said prayers through that song.  He’s that Good!  J  

So when you take your son to college just be ready to leave them there.  (Yes, I’m serious!)  Be ready to be un-cool.  Be ready to give them grace when they act like they don’t want to be around you.  Be excited for the adventure they have begun, and mostly remember God is in control of their lives.   

Thank you to all my friends and family for praying for me.  I felt your prayers and God’s peace throughout the last couple of days. 

And one final thing…When you take your son to college be sure to give him a GIANT hug and kiss goodbye and tell him how much you love him and how proud you are of him.  And that is how you take your son to college.    

Take a listen... Matthew West....More

The American Idol....

So when my son was a freshman in High School our church had a class for parents on teenagers and how hard it is to be a teen in this day of age.  I was really struck by something one of our Pastors said.  He said the biggest growth impact he had in his Christian teenage life was when he was a freshman and his Mother started to get up early and read her Bible down stairs.  He would get up and see his Mother every morning reading her Bible and this by far had the biggest impact his Christian teenage walk.  He encouraged us not to go to our rooms and have our “private time” with God but to live it out loud in front of our children.  That our example will impact our children greatly. 

Now, you think I would of taken this advice but I did not.  I thought about it a lot…but I was not living my own life according to what God wanted for me, and really avoided alone time with God.  (He might tell me something I didn’t want to hear.)  SO I did my own thing…..and we all know my story by now.  I had to be broken, and submit my life to Christ in order to be restored.  A process I am still in as we speak.  But for almost a year now I have been reading my Bible, and studying his word, and praying most mornings on my couch 1^st thing in the morning.  My son has walked out of his room more than once and has “caught me”  in the act.  I heard him mumble under his breath once…Who are you? And what have you done with my Mother?  Ha!  You see I am not a morning person…or I wasn’t but God is changing me from the inside out and I find my behavior is changing right along with it.  I also leave my Bible open to the passage I am reading, my journal, and my assortment of books laying out on the couch when I am done.  I’m not sure why I started doing that…but anyhow the other day I looked at them sitting on the couch as I was walking by and I saw a book my son was reading sitting along side my pile of books.  It is a book he is reading with his young life group and my heart skipped a beat as I realized, He is being impacted by my example.  Praise God!  Do I wish I had started doing this when he was a freshman?  Yes, of course but I can’t go back…. only forward and I am so thankful God is a God of 2^nd chances.  (or 3 or 4!)  J
So I am thankful for Pastor Jeremy sharing his story and that God uses us, when we chose to obey.  (even if it is a little late!)

This morning I was reading in Beth Moore’s book, Praying God’s Word, Breaking free from God’s strongholds.  It is a book I just happened to stumble upon at our Goodwill store.  I was there for a totally different reason and decided to give a quick look at the book section.  It is the 1^st book I looked at.  And I decided to buy it.  Already I know God put this book in my path for a reason.  This morning I read something that I could totally relate to.  Beth says in Chapter 2, page 34 in the 1^st paragraph……God seems to work in themes in my life.   You know what I mean.  Every sermon, morning devotional, and Christian radio program “coincidentally” speak to me about the same subject for an uncomfortable length of time.  I’ll even get a card in the mail from a Christian friend I haven’t seen or heard from in ten years-and you guessed it-she’ll share on the same exact “theme”. 

I don’t know about you but I can totally relate.  I have had two big themes in my life this year.  Every where I go, look, or see there it is.  The 1^st one I have talked a lot about and that is waiting on the Lord.  Not taking things into my own hands.  I need to wait on God’s timing and leading in my life. 

The 2^nd theme that keeps coming up in my life is idols.  We have had several sermons on this at church(today even!) and in my Bible studies(today even in Beth’s Book!) and conversations, the theme of idols keeps coming up. 

You may wonder what I mean when I say the word “idol”.  An idol is something in our life that we make more important than God. It will control our thoughts and attitudes, and even our lives.  When our thoughts and minds are controlled by something other than God it is in fact, a form of worship.  There are a lot of different idols out there.  Our jobs, our families, our finances, our status, etc.  

So…I am a thinker.  I think…. and think…. and think…and then I analyze…. and analyze….. and analyze…and then I think some more until I have worked myself into quite a frenzy.  I wake up in the morning thinking…and unfortunately they are usually not good thoughts.  I wake up most mornings overwhelmed and I am not even out of bed yet.  The enemy attacks me before my feet have even hit the ground! That is why my morning prayer and Bible reading have become so vital for me.  I don’t want to start my day defeated. 

And a big part of that has been my singleness.  I have spent a lot of time and energy thinking about being single.  It has consumed my thoughts.  Even now I can get drawn into certain aspects of it and it is all I think about.  I call up my girlfriends…I’ve got to talk to you…and blah, blah, blah,…..I’ve spent an hour venting about something that I should be giving to God.  The war really is in our mind.  Satan loves to plant a seed in our insecurities and watch it grow.  It becomes bigger than God himself and sets us on a path of worshiping the problem instead of trusting God. 

It says in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5  For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to diminish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

When I first read this verse I felt like I had hit the jackpot…and I still do!  We don’t fight with weapons of this world….we have DIVINE power…We take captive EVERY thought and make it obedient to Christ.  Wow!  This verse has become my prayer and my one, two punch against Satan.  He has no victory in our lives unless we let him control our thoughts and mind.  I’m not sure what your idol is in your life.  Maybe it is your singleness, or your children that go…go…go.. or your bank account that never has enough money, or the circumstances in your life that seem oh, so grim.  I don’t know what rules you and your thoughts but I do know it’s not too big for our heavenly father to overcome.  Why do we let our thoughts think differently?

Beth Moore said it perfectly in Praying God’s Word, page 21.….I think that sometimes God must listen to our pitifully small acclamations, expectations, and petitions in prayer, and want to say, “Are you talking to me?  I’m not recognizing myself in this conversation.  Are you sure you have the right God?” 
It says in Isaiah 44:6&8  My Father, I acknowledge that you are the Lord almighty.  You are the first and You are the last.  And apart from You there is no other God.  Make me witness to the fact that there is no other rock but you.  Enable me to say with full assurance, “I know not one.”

Let’s remember God is the All Mighty, Prince of Peace, and Everlasting Father.  There is nothing He can’t do.  He is the one true God.  Worship Him with our mind, body, and soul.  I hope you can recognize the idols in your life and let God be the Lord and ruler of your life and thoughts.  This is not an easy task to do but I know when we earnestly seek God, He will make a way.  Once again it may not be easy, but we are all in this together.  J
    

Life or Something like it….

My son has officially graduated from High School and we have been on a graduation party blitz for sure.  I’ve run into so many people that I don’t normally see and it has been nice to catch up with them. They ask me what my sons’ plans are for the future.  I proudly tell them he is going to WSU (Washington State University) in the fall.  They then say…Wow that is wonderful good for him, etc….and then the next question out of their mouths always is…..What are you going to do with yourself when he is gone?  I kinda stumble on that one.  And then I say the truth….Ummm, I don’t know.   It’s funny to see their reactions…some look at me sadly, some laugh at my frankness, and some look at me confidently like….I know you will be Ok.  And that is how I truly feel.  I will be Ok.  But life will definitely be different.  Time will tell and I have no choice but to trust God and see where He leads me in my life. 

The last few days I have been asked two very hard questions by two dear friends.  One asked me…Why do bad things happen to good people?  And the other friend asked….Why does life have to be so hard?  Those are two doosies of a question aren’t they?   Life….it is hard.  Life…..it is so not perfect.  Life……it can bring you to your knees at times.  But I’ve learned that is not such a bad place to be.

Tonight at a graduation party I went to, I talked to a dear friend I haven’t seen in awhile.  She is amazing and it was so nice catching up with her.  She has a son with a severe form of Muscular Dystrophy.  She was telling me how it is getting harder and harder for him to walk and they had to put ramps at their home because he will probably need a wheelchair soon.  With tears in her eyes she told me she KNOWS God will use everything her son is going through for good somehow and God has given her peace even though his condition is deteriorating.  All I could do is hug her through my teary eyes and agree.

I have another friend who’s college aged son has turned away from God.  He has decided he is an atheist.  This fact torments my friend.  Her worst fear is that he will die not knowing Jesus as his Lord and Savior.  I have another friend who’s husband has decided he’s not in love with her anymore after 20 some years of marriage.   She doesn’t know what to do.   Life is SO hard!  I could go on and on with more stories about dear friends truly hurting.  

And then you ask…. Why?  What’s the point of all this hurt and heartache?  And truly the only thing that popped up in my head when asked these two very hard questions is…. Everything that happens in our lives good and bad is to make us more like Christ.  He wants us to seek out His help in our lives.   
Unfortunately, if life was perfect and easy all the time we probably would have no need to go to God. (Although I wouldn’t mind testing this theory out for awhile. ha!) 

It says in 1 Peter 1:7  These trials come so that your faith, of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire, may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  In the New Century Version it says in verse 7... These troubles come to prove that your faith is pure.  God wants us to cling to him in hard times.  God is refining us.  God wants our faith to be pure. 

I know personally my relationship with God has always strengthened and grown through my hardships.  Those are the times I have clung to my Bible and prayed the most diligently.  I have learned God’s promises are true. 

Through the years I have known some really bad things happen to really great people and at the time it has made no sense.  But as time has gone by I have been able to see how God has used it for good in them.  My prayer is that God is doing that in me and in you too. 

Romans 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

I don’t know that anyone can entirely answer those two questions.  Like I said, They are doosies but I know when Bad things happen and life get’s REALLY hard, God will always be there for you.  God says…. He will never leave us nor forsake us.  Seek him.  Be real with your friends and family and let them pray  and bare the burden with you.  We all are in this together friends. 

Hebrews 10:23-25
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the day approaching. 

So I know I did not really answer those tough questions but I am so thankful to know that God is in control of my life and no matter the hardship I face He will always be by my side.  Which is a great comfort to me….because life IS hard!  And in the end I want to be proven faithful…and my faith made pure.  He is by your side too.  Don’t be afraid of Life…God never promised us it would be easy.  He only promises we won’t go it alone. 

My Epiphany

So as you know my son is getting ready to graduate from High school.  We have one week to go and I have to say I am keeping it together pretty good so far!  Last night was Prom and in true Gig harbor style(the town I live in)  He took a yacht from our little town of Gig Harbor to the hustle and bustle of downtown Seattle.  And when I say Yacht I am not kidding.  This boat is WAY nicer than the apartment we live in.


In the beginning prom started as quite a fiasco for my son.  He was going ask a really good girl friend to prom…and the day he was going to ask her someone else asked her 1^st.  He was going to try again with another good friend and it happened again!  I was praying…Lord please send him the perfect person and the perfect situation for Prom and of course the Lord answered in a big way.  Not only did he get to go with an amazing girl and group of friends but he got to ride on a yacht called “The Epiphany” to the Prom.  Not a bad way to go as you can see!  Yes we all are officially jealous!  Oh and I forgot to mention it was the most beautiful day of the year so far.  God is so good! 



As I drove home tonight from my son’s youth group that was honoring all the seniors I was just thinking and reminiscing about all that God has done in our lives.  It has NOT been easy but I have to say it has been so worth the journey.  God has taken us and restored us in so many ways.  I am SO proud of the young man my son has become(having said that, at times I am not happy with  every decision he makes)  but I see how God has used the hardships in his life for good.  I see God’s blessings in our lives.  And for the most part I am so proud of him and the young man he has become.  And then I had my own Epiphany.


I know I have stated before that this has been such a hard year for me. (probably going on a year and a half now)  I’ll give you the time line.  So in March of 2010(I think, it’s kind of a blur)  I ended my engagement.  I know it was not meant to be and I know God was telling me not to marry this person but I have to say…even with all that it was a really hard decision.  I loved this person and his children very much!  They were in my life for over 5 years and even though I knew with everything in me it was not right…it was hard to let them all go.  Like I said…I loved them very much.  Not an easy thing to do.  Then in April my beloved Grandmother died suddenly.  She had a very full and great life but I have never had anyone close to me die and it was very hard to say goodbye.  That summer was really hard.  I was battling depression and the devil was working over time to make me feel worthless and unlovable.  In Oct. my Grandpa died…  I was always Grandpa’s girl and once again so hard to say goodbye.  Then in January someone I loved dearly and was housemates with for 31/2 years ended his life.   My son and I were both devastated.  We still are having a hard time with it. My sister lives in Christchurch New Zealand and they have had unbelievable amounts of eathquakes where they live.  They truly have been tramatized and it has been very upsetting for my whole family to have her and her husband and son go through all they have gone through.  Their house at times has been unlivable.  It is hard to see your family members so upset and hurting.  And then..just a couple of months ago one of my sons friends killed himself.  My son, Chance was quite close to this young man and it was extra tragic as he had two older brothers who did the same thing.  They killed themselves their senior year of high school.  Hard to even fathom isn’t it???  So you see it has been an unbelievably hard year.  So much loss, so much hardship, so much pain. 

Last night my friend messages me and she wanted to fix me up with someone.  He sounded really good on paper.  Christian, nice, goes to church, handsome, a certain age, etc.  And at first I was tempted to say…Absolutely!  Sounds great..set me up.  But I KNOW…God has told me to wait.  I truly feel as though God has asked me to wait on His timing and purpose….that there is someone I am supposed to be with but it is not the right time yet.  I have asked God to release me from this(because it makes me feel insecure and crazy at times.)  But God has made it clear to me I need to wait, that He has the ultimate plan and purpose and it is in His timing. 


And then tonight my Epiphany hit…through all the hardships…through my son graduating…..through everything the past year has  brought me I have had only one person to lean on….and that is God.  I’ve had no shoulder to cry on.  I’ve had no one to make it better for me.  I took no pills or had anyone that I would depend upon except the Lord himself.  I have looked to His word and to Him only.  I have grown like I never have before.  In the past I would look to whom ever I was in a relationship in to make it all better.  The only relationship I am in right now is with the Lord Jesus Christ.  He is my salvation, He is my rock, He is my anchor, He is who I trust in.   What a blessing!  To know I can have the hardest year of my life hands down and God will see me through.  I have leaned on God’s word.  I have spent countless hours with him.  I have a life group from my church that I learn and grow with through God’s word.   So I have learned no matter what, even if I wait a lifetime for the person God has for me, I know God will always be there for me.  He will see me through. 


If you are going through a hard time or hardship I want you to know God is here for you.  Your spouse or friend or family member or boy friend can’t make it right.  But our heavenly Father can.  He loves you.  He want to be your everything.  People let us down…but God he is always faithful.  He is always there.  He will never let go.  Learn to depend on Him.  GO TO HIS WORD!  Just start reading.  God will bring you to where you need to be.  Keep the faith.

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 

Sometimes it is REALLY hard to see.  But faith and hope are what God asks of us…and what He gives to us when we come to him.  Give your concerns to God.  Let Him guide your life.  You won’t be sorry I promise.  Keep the faith!  Lean on God!

Let it go…

So as you know I have an 18 year old son who is about to graduate from High school.  I’m going to be honest with you.  This is going to be an emotional month for me.  I really can’t talk about it with out tearing up.  He is my only child and I literally can not believe how fast the time has gone.  If I could, I would reverse the hands of time and make him little again. I know that is not going to happen so I must accept that he is growing up and soon will be on his way to college. 

As a single mom it is so easy to make your child your world. I have said more than once…He is my EVERYTHING…He is all I have….If anything ever happened to him….  It is a lot for one kid to live up to or have put on him.  I’m sure at times to him it seemed as though all my happiness rested on him.  To me in fact he is my best friend.  (although I’m not so sure he would say the same about me!)

Last post I wrote about my mission trip with him to Mexico and how I had to lose myself for God.  What I failed to mention was part of my problem on that trip was my motive to be there. I wanted to serve God, and I wanted to help out these families, and I wanted to make a difference but what I mostly wanted to do was keep an eye on my son and make sure nothing happened to him.  You see I am(or I am a recovering) helicopter mom.  I can hover like a Duey.  (and if you didn’t know that is one BIG helicopter!)

I have always been a very protective mom(ok maybe over protective Mom might be the word or AKA…control freak!)   I definitely did not see it that way until two years ago when God started whispering in my ear…Let him go.   But Lord, he needs me!  Let him go….but he might get hurt….Let him go….but it’s my job to protect him….and God responded once again…..Let him go and give him to me.  He is MY child….Let him go!

God actually had been telling me this for awhile and I did let certain things go.  I let him go to youth group with out me. (Ha…I know that sounds pathetic…but before I went as a leader….that was my disguise to hover over him.)  And I let him go to friends homes silly things like that…but then the BIG test came.  The following years Mexico mission trip.  God told me to let him go with out me.  My reply was….Huhhhh….NO WAY!

Our church takes great care of our kids and takes every precaution going down to Mexico but it by no means is safe.  You have probably heard of the drug wars going on and there is always some risk involved when you cross the border.  But God made it so clear to me.  Let him go….I will take care of him.  So I let him go with out me and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done as a parent.  I pretty much prayed and cried the whole week.  And God did take care of him.  And once again he went this year with out me. It still was hard but I also had a lot of peace knowing God was in control. 

I now know God has been preparing me to let my son go off to college.  If I hadn’t started letting him go the last 2 years how in the world would I be able to let him go now?  I’m not going to lie it still is going to be so hard but I trust God.  I know he has my son in His mighty hand.  I know it’s time to let go and trust Him with the plan and purpose for my sons life. 

My question to you is….What are you holding onto?  Are you holding onto your kids like I was?  Are you holding onto a relationship that isn’t in God’s plan for you?  Are you holding on to bitterness for your ex or someone else who has wronged you?  God says over and over in the Bible…Trust me!

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. 

Colossians 2:6-7  As you have put your trust in Christ Jesus the Lord to save you from the punishment of sin, now let Him lead you in every step.  Have your roots planted deep in Christ.  Grow in Him.  Get your strength from Him.  Let Him make you strong in the faith as you have been taught.  Your life should be full of thanks for Him. 

It really does boil down to faith.  Are you letting go and trusting God…letting him lead you in every step?  Or are you holding on to something that is Gods.  Our children are Gods.  Our lives are Gods.  Our plan and purpose are Gods.  Our relationships with others are Gods.     

I’d like to share something I wrote in my journal a couple of weeks ago.

The Sounds of my Son
When you have a teenager you may not see a whole lot of them.  But when I hear the door open at night I know he is home safe.  When I hear the shower in the morning, I know he is up and getting ready for a new day.  I hear him in his room laughing with his friends.  Right now I hear him playing his guitar and I know all is well in the world.  I am not sure what I am going to hear when he goes away to college but I know God will give me the strength I need when that day arrives.  I am trusting God to see me through. 

My hope is you are trusting God too!   Now Let it go…..