Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Let it go…

So as you know I have an 18 year old son who is about to graduate from High school.  I’m going to be honest with you.  This is going to be an emotional month for me.  I really can’t talk about it with out tearing up.  He is my only child and I literally can not believe how fast the time has gone.  If I could, I would reverse the hands of time and make him little again. I know that is not going to happen so I must accept that he is growing up and soon will be on his way to college. 

As a single mom it is so easy to make your child your world. I have said more than once…He is my EVERYTHING…He is all I have….If anything ever happened to him….  It is a lot for one kid to live up to or have put on him.  I’m sure at times to him it seemed as though all my happiness rested on him.  To me in fact he is my best friend.  (although I’m not so sure he would say the same about me!)

Last post I wrote about my mission trip with him to Mexico and how I had to lose myself for God.  What I failed to mention was part of my problem on that trip was my motive to be there. I wanted to serve God, and I wanted to help out these families, and I wanted to make a difference but what I mostly wanted to do was keep an eye on my son and make sure nothing happened to him.  You see I am(or I am a recovering) helicopter mom.  I can hover like a Duey.  (and if you didn’t know that is one BIG helicopter!)

I have always been a very protective mom(ok maybe over protective Mom might be the word or AKA…control freak!)   I definitely did not see it that way until two years ago when God started whispering in my ear…Let him go.   But Lord, he needs me!  Let him go….but he might get hurt….Let him go….but it’s my job to protect him….and God responded once again…..Let him go and give him to me.  He is MY child….Let him go!

God actually had been telling me this for awhile and I did let certain things go.  I let him go to youth group with out me. (Ha…I know that sounds pathetic…but before I went as a leader….that was my disguise to hover over him.)  And I let him go to friends homes silly things like that…but then the BIG test came.  The following years Mexico mission trip.  God told me to let him go with out me.  My reply was….Huhhhh….NO WAY!

Our church takes great care of our kids and takes every precaution going down to Mexico but it by no means is safe.  You have probably heard of the drug wars going on and there is always some risk involved when you cross the border.  But God made it so clear to me.  Let him go….I will take care of him.  So I let him go with out me and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done as a parent.  I pretty much prayed and cried the whole week.  And God did take care of him.  And once again he went this year with out me. It still was hard but I also had a lot of peace knowing God was in control. 

I now know God has been preparing me to let my son go off to college.  If I hadn’t started letting him go the last 2 years how in the world would I be able to let him go now?  I’m not going to lie it still is going to be so hard but I trust God.  I know he has my son in His mighty hand.  I know it’s time to let go and trust Him with the plan and purpose for my sons life. 

My question to you is….What are you holding onto?  Are you holding onto your kids like I was?  Are you holding onto a relationship that isn’t in God’s plan for you?  Are you holding on to bitterness for your ex or someone else who has wronged you?  God says over and over in the Bible…Trust me!

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. 

Colossians 2:6-7  As you have put your trust in Christ Jesus the Lord to save you from the punishment of sin, now let Him lead you in every step.  Have your roots planted deep in Christ.  Grow in Him.  Get your strength from Him.  Let Him make you strong in the faith as you have been taught.  Your life should be full of thanks for Him. 

It really does boil down to faith.  Are you letting go and trusting God…letting him lead you in every step?  Or are you holding on to something that is Gods.  Our children are Gods.  Our lives are Gods.  Our plan and purpose are Gods.  Our relationships with others are Gods.     

I’d like to share something I wrote in my journal a couple of weeks ago.

The Sounds of my Son
When you have a teenager you may not see a whole lot of them.  But when I hear the door open at night I know he is home safe.  When I hear the shower in the morning, I know he is up and getting ready for a new day.  I hear him in his room laughing with his friends.  Right now I hear him playing his guitar and I know all is well in the world.  I am not sure what I am going to hear when he goes away to college but I know God will give me the strength I need when that day arrives.  I am trusting God to see me through. 

My hope is you are trusting God too!   Now Let it go…..