Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Panic Button.....

When I was 1st divorced I did not date much and I never did anything away from my son if it was his weekend home with me.  I hated being a part time Mom and I was very protective of my time with him.  That is a decision I will never regret as he is 18 now ready to graduate from high school and getting ready to go to college.  The time has gone so fast and I am so thankful that my time with him was my top priority.

 When he was older and more social and did not need me home as much I  started to date.  I was married young, divorced young and was in no real hurry to get married again…..until I turned 35.  I don’t know what happened to me but all of a sudden I hit the panic button…hard.  It was like an old war movie….Aaaaoooogah, Aaaaaoooogha, All hands on deck, All hands on deck!  This is not a drill, I repeat, this is not a drill.  I literally went on a dating frenzy and it was for one mission and one mission only.  To find a guy and get married A.S.A.P.   (Now I should state that I was dating someone and in a relationship with him for 3 years prior to that summer.  I truly thought I would marry that person and when it all fell through, it propelled me into my panicked state.  I felt like I had wasted 3 “good” years with him and needed to find someone else immediately.  I wasn‘t getting any younger!!!) 

I did , e-harmony, and went on any dates any of my friends would set me up on.  But nothing was working.  They all pretty much flopped.  I was praying every night …God, PLEASE bring him to me.  I am ready.  I want to be married.  And then God spoke to my heart….and he told me very clearly to wait.  I will never forget it.  I knew with all my heart that I was to wait on Him.  That God had a plan for me and I needed to wait on his timing.  And at first I did wait, but pretty quick I got impatient and took things into my own hands.

Oh how I wished I had waited.  But I did not. I ended up getting back together with my ex-boyfriend, who then became my fiancĂ©’ and is now my ex-fiancĂ©’.  It was not right and I knew it but I did not listen and at the time I did not care.  I walked away from God to do my own thing. 

Let me tell you, I have paid a price for my disobedience.  I had to go through a lot of hurt and heartache to get myself back on track with God.  In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers says, “When you do not wait on the timing of God’s will, you will end in making difficulties that will take years of time to put right.  Wait for God’s timing to bring it around and He will do it without any heartbreak or disappointment.”  I wish I had listened to God.  I can not undo what has been done but I have a choice now, and I choose to wait on the Lord. 
Just today I read in my Jesus Calling devotional by Sarah Young (Day March 26th)  Waiting on Me(Jesus) means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do.  It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out for yourself. 

I am SO done with trying to figure things out for myself.  I am ready and willing to wait on the Lord.  If God has called us to wait, we have to trust that He is at work in our lives. 
Psalm 130:5  I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope! 
Give God your life today.  Tell Him you will wait on him.  Put your hope in His word. 

*Listen to song # 10 on my Single Girls Groove list.  It is called While I am Waiting.  This song really spoke to my heart when I heard it!  I hope you enjoy! 

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Pit of Despair....

I love that I have married friends that are following my blog.  It is so great that you are wanting to try to see a singles perspective!  But the truth is unless you are in someone else's shoes you have no idea how it would feel.  You probably do not know what it feels like to be the only single person invited to a dinner party with all other couples there, or to walk into church by yourself and sit alone every week.   It is not an easy thing for a single to do.

I was married for 10 years and have been divorced for more than ten years now! (Yikes!)  I have woken up on more than one occasion (and I'm sure it will happen again) and thought to myself...This is my life... really??  This wasn't supposed to happen to me.  I was supposed to get married, have a great little house with the white picket fence, 3 kids in tow, be a stay at home mom, with a loving husband who adores me!  What the heck happened?  I'm sure you can relate!  Life seems to of given you a curve ball you never saw coming.  And it's not fair.  Why oh why did this happen to me?  The pit of despair has begun.  It's pity party time, and I am ready to whoop it up.    Maybe you've never been married and you are waiting...and waiting...and waiting....while it seems as though all your friends are getting married and starting families all around you.  You think What gives?  Why not me?  No fair!....and you join me in my pitty party. 

The devil just loves a good pity party.  He loves it when we feel like God has really let us down.  The madder we get at God the further away we walk from him...and frankly that is right where the devil wants us.  In the Pits of despair.  Nothing good ever comes out of there.....but I can't help but think of someone else who literally was in a pit and had some pretty crazy stuff happen to him, but instead of getting mad he stayed faithful.  He knew God would see him through.  You know who I am talking about, Jacob's son Joseph.  The kid with the really fancy coat. 

Joseph was thrown into a pit by his brothers because they were jealous of him.  He was sold into slavery and later thrown into jail for something he did not do.  Years and years passed by.  And Joseph stayed faithful.  We all know what happened later, Joseph became a very powerful man and God blessed him for his faithfulness.  Joseph had a choice:  He could be bitter at his circumstances and wave the "No Fair" flag or he could submit to God and continue to believe God and his promises.  I have waved that flag more than once, but not anymore.  I am truly believing God has an amazing plan for my life and yes my life has not turned out how I thought it would, but seriously who's life does?  No ones.  So you can be mad at God and miserable, or accept his will and trust him.  Talk to God tonight and tell him you trust him even if you don't understand. Start your walk with him in faith....

*Read Genesis 37 -45 for the whole story of Joseph. 

Saturday, March 19, 2011

You know the half...

The half of the oreo cookie without the cream on it.  You are not half of anything.  You are whole and complete just as God made you.  Now let me tell you I am a sucker for a sappy movie and a sappy line every time.  I literally gasped out loud the 1st time I saw Jerry McGuire and heard the whole...You complete me and you had me at hello line.   I remember thinking... I want my soul mate that completes me.  (Where is he darn it?)  Little did I know I was completed and whole in Christ.  NO human being on the planet can complete you, or meet all your needs.  It just is not possible.  God says in Colossians 2:10 "In Christ we have been made complete."    The 1st step in being joyful, content Christian Singles is knowing I am complete in Christ.  He completes one else!  Now if you don't feel very complete, it's time to take it to God.  He will show you the way but you have to GO to Him!  

* Half a cookie illustration was inspired by The Power and Purpose of Singleness by Michael Cavanaugh 

Friday, March 18, 2011

Let me start by saying.....

I have not always been so ready to give my life over to God.  I have spent a lot of time doing the opposite.  I have totally bought into the....You're no one with out someone line.  I have had wrong relationship after wrong relationship and I almost married someone I had no business being with  just because I was tired of being alone.  But let's face it society does nothing to help a single girl out.  They do tell us...You are no one with out someone.  Two is better than one.  I think you get what I am saying here.

So this past summer soon after I had called off my engagement I was pretty close to having a nervous breakdown.  It all was just too much.  I heard the lies in my head.  You are no one with out someone.  No one will ever love you.  You aren't good enough.  Yes, pretty dark stuff.   I was really loosing it and then I found a book that started my transformation.  (Well that and a really good Christian counselor.)   The Book is called The Power and Purpose of Singleness by Michael Cavanaugh.  It really sparked something in me.  I am on a mission to reach out to other singles.  Guess what you are not alone.  You my friend are not half a cookie....