Monday, June 6, 2011

My Epiphany

So as you know my son is getting ready to graduate from High school.  We have one week to go and I have to say I am keeping it together pretty good so far!  Last night was Prom and in true Gig harbor style(the town I live in)  He took a yacht from our little town of Gig Harbor to the hustle and bustle of downtown Seattle.  And when I say Yacht I am not kidding.  This boat is WAY nicer than the apartment we live in.

In the beginning prom started as quite a fiasco for my son.  He was going ask a really good girl friend to prom…and the day he was going to ask her someone else asked her 1st.  He was going to try again with another good friend and it happened again!  I was praying…Lord please send him the perfect person and the perfect situation for Prom and of course the Lord answered in a big way.  Not only did he get to go with an amazing girl and group of friends but he got to ride on a yacht called “The Epiphany” to the Prom.  Not a bad way to go as you can see!  Yes we all are officially jealous!  Oh and I forgot to mention it was the most beautiful day of the year so far.  God is so good! 

As I drove home tonight from my son’s youth group that was honoring all the seniors I was just thinking and reminiscing about all that God has done in our lives.  It has NOT been easy but I have to say it has been so worth the journey.  God has taken us and restored us in so many ways.  I am SO proud of the young man my son has become(having said that, at times I am not happy with  every decision he makes)  but I see how God has used the hardships in his life for good.  I see God’s blessings in our lives.  And for the most part I am so proud of him and the young man he has become.  And then I had my own Epiphany.

I know I have stated before that this has been such a hard year for me. (probably going on a year and a half now)  I’ll give you the time line.  So in March of 2010(I think, it’s kind of a blur)  I ended my engagement.  I know it was not meant to be and I know God was telling me not to marry this person but I have to say…even with all that it was a really hard decision.  I loved this person and his children very much!  They were in my life for over 5 years and even though I knew with everything in me it was not right…it was hard to let them all go.  Like I said…I loved them very much.  Not an easy thing to do.  Then in April my beloved Grandmother died suddenly.  She had a very full and great life but I have never had anyone close to me die and it was very hard to say goodbye.  That summer was really hard.  I was battling depression and the devil was working over time to make me feel worthless and unlovable.  In Oct. my Grandpa died…  I was always Grandpa’s girl and once again so hard to say goodbye.  Then in January someone I loved dearly and was housemates with for 31/2 years ended his life.   My son and I were both devastated.  We still are having a hard time with it. My sister lives in Christchurch New Zealand and they have had unbelievable amounts of eathquakes where they live.  They truly have been tramatized and it has been very upsetting for my whole family to have her and her husband and son go through all they have gone through.  Their house at times has been unlivable.  It is hard to see your family members so upset and hurting.  And then..just a couple of months ago one of my sons friends killed himself.  My son, Chance was quite close to this young man and it was extra tragic as he had two older brothers who did the same thing.  They killed themselves their senior year of high school.  Hard to even fathom isn’t it???  So you see it has been an unbelievably hard year.  So much loss, so much hardship, so much pain. 

Last night my friend messages me and she wanted to fix me up with someone.  He sounded really good on paper.  Christian, nice, goes to church, handsome, a certain age, etc.  And at first I was tempted to say…Absolutely!  Sounds great..set me up.  But I KNOW…God has told me to wait.  I truly feel as though God has asked me to wait on His timing and purpose….that there is someone I am supposed to be with but it is not the right time yet.  I have asked God to release me from this(because it makes me feel insecure and crazy at times.)  But God has made it clear to me I need to wait, that He has the ultimate plan and purpose and it is in His timing. 

And then tonight my Epiphany hit…through all the hardships…through my son graduating…..through everything the past year has  brought me I have had only one person to lean on….and that is God.  I’ve had no shoulder to cry on.  I’ve had no one to make it better for me.  I took no pills or had anyone that I would depend upon except the Lord himself.  I have looked to His word and to Him only.  I have grown like I never have before.  In the past I would look to whom ever I was in a relationship in to make it all better.  The only relationship I am in right now is with the Lord Jesus Christ.  He is my salvation, He is my rock, He is my anchor, He is who I trust in.   What a blessing!  To know I can have the hardest year of my life hands down and God will see me through.  I have leaned on God’s word.  I have spent countless hours with him.  I have a life group from my church that I learn and grow with through God’s word.   So I have learned no matter what, even if I wait a lifetime for the person God has for me, I know God will always be there for me.  He will see me through. 

If you are going through a hard time or hardship I want you to know God is here for you.  Your spouse or friend or family member or boy friend can’t make it right.  But our heavenly Father can.  He loves you.  He want to be your everything.  People let us down…but God he is always faithful.  He is always there.  He will never let go.  Learn to depend on Him.  GO TO HIS WORD!  Just start reading.  God will bring you to where you need to be.  Keep the faith.

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 

Sometimes it is REALLY hard to see.  But faith and hope are what God asks of us…and what He gives to us when we come to him.  Give your concerns to God.  Let Him guide your life.  You won’t be sorry I promise.  Keep the faith!  Lean on God!

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