Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Panic Button.....

When I was 1st divorced I did not date much and I never did anything away from my son if it was his weekend home with me.  I hated being a part time Mom and I was very protective of my time with him.  That is a decision I will never regret as he is 18 now ready to graduate from high school and getting ready to go to college.  The time has gone so fast and I am so thankful that my time with him was my top priority.

 When he was older and more social and did not need me home as much I  started to date.  I was married young, divorced young and was in no real hurry to get married again…..until I turned 35.  I don’t know what happened to me but all of a sudden I hit the panic button…hard.  It was like an old war movie….Aaaaoooogah, Aaaaaoooogha, All hands on deck, All hands on deck!  This is not a drill, I repeat, this is not a drill.  I literally went on a dating frenzy and it was for one mission and one mission only.  To find a guy and get married A.S.A.P.   (Now I should state that I was dating someone and in a relationship with him for 3 years prior to that summer.  I truly thought I would marry that person and when it all fell through, it propelled me into my panicked state.  I felt like I had wasted 3 “good” years with him and needed to find someone else immediately.  I wasn‘t getting any younger!!!) 

I did , e-harmony, and went on any dates any of my friends would set me up on.  But nothing was working.  They all pretty much flopped.  I was praying every night …God, PLEASE bring him to me.  I am ready.  I want to be married.  And then God spoke to my heart….and he told me very clearly to wait.  I will never forget it.  I knew with all my heart that I was to wait on Him.  That God had a plan for me and I needed to wait on his timing.  And at first I did wait, but pretty quick I got impatient and took things into my own hands.

Oh how I wished I had waited.  But I did not. I ended up getting back together with my ex-boyfriend, who then became my fiancé’ and is now my ex-fiancé’.  It was not right and I knew it but I did not listen and at the time I did not care.  I walked away from God to do my own thing. 

Let me tell you, I have paid a price for my disobedience.  I had to go through a lot of hurt and heartache to get myself back on track with God.  In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers says, “When you do not wait on the timing of God’s will, you will end in making difficulties that will take years of time to put right.  Wait for God’s timing to bring it around and He will do it without any heartbreak or disappointment.”  I wish I had listened to God.  I can not undo what has been done but I have a choice now, and I choose to wait on the Lord. 
Just today I read in my Jesus Calling devotional by Sarah Young (Day March 26th)  Waiting on Me(Jesus) means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do.  It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out for yourself. 

I am SO done with trying to figure things out for myself.  I am ready and willing to wait on the Lord.  If God has called us to wait, we have to trust that He is at work in our lives. 
Psalm 130:5  I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope! 
Give God your life today.  Tell Him you will wait on him.  Put your hope in His word. 

*Listen to song # 10 on my Single Girls Groove list.  It is called While I am Waiting.  This song really spoke to my heart when I heard it!  I hope you enjoy! 


  1. Ms.Chaffin,

    I really appreciate this post, I appreciate all of them but this one in particular is speaking to me. My parents have been together since their junior year, and I have felt like I need to find someone now because they were together and I don't feel normal, I always feel like I am missing out on something. Lately I have been making a lot of Really horrible decisions because of the ways I feel. I need to stop thinking I am that half of the Oreo cookie, and start looking to God to help me. Thank you Ms.Chaffin

  2. Thanks for stopping by I greatly appreciate the comments.

  3. Ashley,
    I'm so glad my blog spoke to your heart. You my dear have lots of time to meet who God has in store for you. I'm sure your Mom and Dad would agree that what they have is not typical. Most people are not as fortunate to meet the person they will mary as young as they were. You have your own life to live and you get to make your own new normal! Everyone makes mistakes and wrong choices through out their lives. It's never to late to turn your life over to God. I loved seeing you in church the other day! I hope to see you again soon! Maybe we should do coffee soon! :>)

  4. Thanks! And I am going to try to go to church more often, I am really bad about going every week. Coffee would be fun, just let me know when and I will ask my parents.