Thursday, April 7, 2011

Let’s Get Intimate…

SO…  The main reason I am doing this blog is to reach out to other singles and let them know they are not alone.  I love that God is speaking to others besides singles through this blog.  You never know what God will do with something when he calls you to it.  But I have to say….it is hard for me to spill my guts.  I have spent a lot of time and years doing the opposite.  I have put up a wall and acted like everything was fine and I wasn’t struggling at
all and life is peachy keen, don’t you know!  But that was not the case.  And God has REALLY laid it on my heart that I need to be real and authentic and spill the dirt on myself.  I was in a bad marriage for years but pretended everything was fine to my friends and family.  At times I have felt alone, rejected, and so incredibly insecure being single.  I’ve only let a few of my true inner circle friends know the “real” me. 

I once read a definition of intimacy as into-me-see.  When you are truly intimate with someone you let them see the real you.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  And I think that is
how we grow.  We let our guard down and
let God in.  And a big part of that is fellowship with other like minded Christians.  God has REALLY been working on me in this area and I’d like to share how, but some of these details seem a bit intimate to me (and seriously embarrassing) but I have a feeling I am not alone in some of these areas. 

I think in every singles walk there comes a time when you start to do the ring check.  You know what I mean….you see or meet someone randomly, maybe at the local coffee shop, grocery store, church, where ever and you think Hmmmmm…I wonder and then you look.    You know…. for the ring….the ring that is on the left hand….the hand that will state…… taken or available.  The ring check can become sort of an obsession.  Always looking. Always
wondering.  Always on the prowl.  Your day can rise and set with a ring check.(Ooohhh he’s single!  Dang…He’s married!) 

But the thing I have been most guilty of is freaking out or being a complete weirdo when I meet someone who is single.  All of a sudden I make it really complicated and my wall comes up.  (And let me tell you the Great Wall of China has nothing on the wall I can put up!)  Let me explain.  I meet someone through a friend or at church or whatever….these are the thoughts that would run through my head.  Oh my gosh…What if he thinks I like him?  What is he likes me?  What if people start talking?  What if he likes me and I don’t like him?  What if I like him and he doesn’t like me?  What if, What if, What if….WHOOOOP….wall of China in place.  I would probably avoid them at all costs and I would not talk to them, definitely never get to know them, and probably act quite rude around them by giving them the cold shoulder. (Defense mechanism)  I would never see them as a person to get to know and be friends with; I’d only see them as possible mate material.  That is the only way I could relate to them because they were single and so was I.  It wasn’t until I read Michael Cavanaugh’s book The Power and purpose of Singleness that my heart was stirred to change.  He talked about God convicting his heart that he needed to see single women as his Sisters in Christ first.  This REALLY spoke to my heart.  I rated every single guy I ever met as marriage material not as a brother in Christ. 


In my Life Group right now we are reading 1&2 Peter.  I came across a verse that really spoke to me.  In 1 Peter 1:22 it says….Now that you have made your souls pure by obeying the truth, you can have true love for your Christian brothers and sisters.  So love each other deeply with all your heart. 


This is what I have decided to do.  Obey God’s truth and love on my Christian Brothers and Sisters with all my heart.  I am seeing them through God’s eyes, not sizing them up.  I can’t tell you how this has freed me!  I am waiting on the Lord for his plan and purpose and loving everyone God puts in my path.  I’m not looking for that ring anymore.  I’m just looking at the person and letting God dictate how they fit into my life.  And in the mean time I am getting to know some amazing people and growing in fellowship and God’s grace with them.  I have so much more joy and peace in my life because of it. 

Ask yourself:  Are you obeying God’s truth?  Are you sizing up people or getting to know them as brothers and sisters in Christ?  Are you being real and authentic with others?  Are you plugged into other like minded singles?  If not we’ve got to talk! Pronto! J  Ask God for help in this area.  Ask Him to show you the way.    


  1. True words of wisdom, Tiersa. I love your thoughts. Thank you for sharing with the rest of the world. This verse comes to mind after reading your blog: "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other..." Col.3v12-13 Thank you for bearing with the rest of us and being an example of living the way God teaches through Paul's letters. You inspire me, friend :)

  2. Love the verse Kristen. SO true...everyone can apply these verses to their lives no matter what circumstances or situations we are in.

  3. The world system says - Fake it til you make it, but that does not work with God. I myself spent many years single before (Before Christ) doing my own thing. Now as a reconciled single christian woman, my learning curve in dating among christians was a rude awakening! Lots of man trees out there - with alot of leaves - but check the branches closely, if there is no fruit, beware! I've learned the hard way. Last few years have been rough but God has been fine tuning me. Healing through him and knowing who you are through Christ is essential. Man does not define you - Christ is your point of reference. I've become alot freer and more at peace with that knowledge. Thrive in your LOVE relationship with God first and in time, the man that God has for you will "see" you for you. God Bless, MV